Capri's Slow roasted scotch fillet burger - eventually...

OK, yesterday's post was clearly just a savoury food chauvinist rant, rather than a burger review, but I honestly don't believe that sweet foods are equal to the savoury sort. To me, true nourishment comes in the form of meats (in buns), vegetables, pulse, breads, rice and the like. Sweet foodstuffs are nice, but they are a treat, and something to be taken as an aside to food.

Real, savoury food, that is.

If you don't believe me, refer to the following depiction of the Food Circle, currently being used to explain balanced nutrition in US:

Do you see any cake here? No. See?

I'll go even further and say that I find the idea of a dessert restaurants particularly unsettling. If I can't get a bowl of risotto, or at least a small sausage, then what's the point in me being there? I came out for dinner people, where are you hiding the pies? One of my nightmares, involves being stuck in a dessert restaurant, surrounded by cakelovers, all manic and gleefully scoffing various tooth rotting platefuls, and me being stuck there with not a hope of even a simple roast potato. Complete torture. Dessert restaurants are not restaurants, they are cake shops with tables and chairs. Yes, there is a difference.

I went to the popular dessert restaurant Strawberry Fare in Christchurch once, and had a really nice coq au vin. Please ignore that fact that this information harms my argument. Earthquakes have rendered this building uninhabitable now. Thankfully.

Brief mention might be made to what statement this phenomenon might be making on attitudes towards nutrition in the West, and our ever increasing obsession with sweet and fatty foods, but that's too broad and highbrow a topic for my self-interested rant. All I want is a cheesy burger dammit, let's try to get back on focus!

Some cakes. This is probably damaging to my argument also as they look awesome...

Sugary sweets after dinner are there to give you a small blood sugar level boost, so you can make it to the taxi without falling over/passing out. They are not a replacement for dinner, and you cannot offer me one in lieu of my expected burger, without me trowing a mild tanty.

To bring this back to yesterday's post on the Boston Hotel's dessert burger, this is where I stumble. When I'm considering burgers in the Burger Wellington offerings, I'm hungry, and want a satisfying filling meal. I'm craving nourishment. I can't sit and eat a cake in those situations, or at least, I'd rather not have to. If I was actually starving, sure I'd eat a cake (happily!), but in that situation, I'd probably try eating my shoes too. This conclusively proves that all cakes are shoes, and therefore do not deserve to have restaurants of their own.

Now that we've cleared that up, and we're all on the same page, I feel we can move on. ;)

Today's option from Burger Wellington seems like it's going to hit the spot, hard. BBQ sauces in burgers aren't my fave generally, but I can ignore most things if they come with a nice slow roasted scotch fillet. Besides, I'm hoping that this homemade sauce will be of the smoky savoury variety that can go so well with steak.

Capri Buxom BBQ Beef Burger 

146 Featherston Street (View map) 

www.capribar.co.nz

"Slow-roasted Wairarapa beef scotch fillet with homemade BBQ sauce, Kapiti Pakari aged cheddar, lettuce and tomato in a custom-made Pandoro bun, with shoestring fries"

The Capri Buxom burger will set you back a premium $28, but then Capri is a bit on the premium side generally. It's not the most novel or inventive creation in the lineup, but Capri do have a very good reputation for good food, so I expect this to be a classic steak sandwich, but with high quality ingredients, prepared to a very high standard. I'm very excited about the slow cooked fillet, smoky BBQ sauce and strong cheddar cheese combo. Also, Pandoro make very exciting breads generally, so anything with their name on it will always get my belly rumbling. Shoestring fry sides are a bit basic but clearly, they are putting all their effort into the scotch fillet component here. They don't need a fancy side, all their 'game' is in the burger.

I've so far not been allowed inside Capri, but this is what the interior looks like.

Capri looks a little like a cross between a child's dollhouse, and Nikola Tessla's Laboratory, and is a little on the bright side (I usually prefer dark and gloomy, which avoids people seeing my atrocious table manners). This won't faze me either though, as I'm pretty sure this burger is going to be fantastic. On the two occasions we've tried to visit unannounced, they were fully booked, and we were turned out onto the night like a couple of hungry restaurant refugees. Should have learnt from our first encounter really. As I said, they have a very good reputation, and they aren't a very large restaurant. Book in advance, it's what I'll be doing.

Once you've finished your burger, if you still have any room left, then you can consider dessert. This is the way things should be. Anything else is simply chaos and anarchy, the world gone mad.