Capri's Slow roasted scotch fillet burger - eventually...

OK, yesterday's post was clearly just a savoury food chauvinist rant, rather than a burger review, but I honestly don't believe that sweet foods are equal to the savoury sort. To me, true nourishment comes in the form of meats (in buns), vegetables, pulse, breads, rice and the like. Sweet foodstuffs are nice, but they are a treat, and something to be taken as an aside to food.

Real, savoury food, that is.

If you don't believe me, refer to the following depiction of the Food Circle, currently being used to explain balanced nutrition in US:

Do you see any cake here? No. See?

I'll go even further and say that I find the idea of a dessert restaurants particularly unsettling. If I can't get a bowl of risotto, or at least a small sausage, then what's the point in me being there? I came out for dinner people, where are you hiding the pies? One of my nightmares, involves being stuck in a dessert restaurant, surrounded by cakelovers, all manic and gleefully scoffing various tooth rotting platefuls, and me being stuck there with not a hope of even a simple roast potato. Complete torture. Dessert restaurants are not restaurants, they are cake shops with tables and chairs. Yes, there is a difference.

I went to the popular dessert restaurant Strawberry Fare in Christchurch once, and had a really nice coq au vin. Please ignore that fact that this information harms my argument. Earthquakes have rendered this building uninhabitable now. Thankfully.

Brief mention might be made to what statement this phenomenon might be making on attitudes towards nutrition in the West, and our ever increasing obsession with sweet and fatty foods, but that's too broad and highbrow a topic for my self-interested rant. All I want is a cheesy burger dammit, let's try to get back on focus!

Some cakes. This is probably damaging to my argument also as they look awesome...

Sugary sweets after dinner are there to give you a small blood sugar level boost, so you can make it to the taxi without falling over/passing out. They are not a replacement for dinner, and you cannot offer me one in lieu of my expected burger, without me trowing a mild tanty.

To bring this back to yesterday's post on the Boston Hotel's dessert burger, this is where I stumble. When I'm considering burgers in the Burger Wellington offerings, I'm hungry, and want a satisfying filling meal. I'm craving nourishment. I can't sit and eat a cake in those situations, or at least, I'd rather not have to. If I was actually starving, sure I'd eat a cake (happily!), but in that situation, I'd probably try eating my shoes too. This conclusively proves that all cakes are shoes, and therefore do not deserve to have restaurants of their own.

Now that we've cleared that up, and we're all on the same page, I feel we can move on. ;)

Today's option from Burger Wellington seems like it's going to hit the spot, hard. BBQ sauces in burgers aren't my fave generally, but I can ignore most things if they come with a nice slow roasted scotch fillet. Besides, I'm hoping that this homemade sauce will be of the smoky savoury variety that can go so well with steak.

Capri Buxom BBQ Beef Burger 

146 Featherston Street (View map) 

www.capribar.co.nz

"Slow-roasted Wairarapa beef scotch fillet with homemade BBQ sauce, Kapiti Pakari aged cheddar, lettuce and tomato in a custom-made Pandoro bun, with shoestring fries"

The Capri Buxom burger will set you back a premium $28, but then Capri is a bit on the premium side generally. It's not the most novel or inventive creation in the lineup, but Capri do have a very good reputation for good food, so I expect this to be a classic steak sandwich, but with high quality ingredients, prepared to a very high standard. I'm very excited about the slow cooked fillet, smoky BBQ sauce and strong cheddar cheese combo. Also, Pandoro make very exciting breads generally, so anything with their name on it will always get my belly rumbling. Shoestring fry sides are a bit basic but clearly, they are putting all their effort into the scotch fillet component here. They don't need a fancy side, all their 'game' is in the burger.

I've so far not been allowed inside Capri, but this is what the interior looks like.

Capri looks a little like a cross between a child's dollhouse, and Nikola Tessla's Laboratory, and is a little on the bright side (I usually prefer dark and gloomy, which avoids people seeing my atrocious table manners). This won't faze me either though, as I'm pretty sure this burger is going to be fantastic. On the two occasions we've tried to visit unannounced, they were fully booked, and we were turned out onto the night like a couple of hungry restaurant refugees. Should have learnt from our first encounter really. As I said, they have a very good reputation, and they aren't a very large restaurant. Book in advance, it's what I'll be doing.

Once you've finished your burger, if you still have any room left, then you can consider dessert. This is the way things should be. Anything else is simply chaos and anarchy, the world gone mad.

WTF is a dessert burger!?

Dessert burgers are wrong dammit, and have no place in burgerdom.

Now I don't need a burger to be meaty. I've had many tofu, falafel, and vegge patty burgers over the years, that have kicked the absolute pants off anything Ronny 'McD' has peddled in our malls. But I draw the line at sweet burgers. Yuck. There's absolutely no place for it in a modern civilised society. Cakes, I'm down with. Sweet french toast with bacon I adapted to (although I still prefer the more anglicised 'eggy bread'). These things aren't pretending to be a hot savoury sammich. That's what the burger loving world wants when it sits down for for its fix. Not a meringue, topped with custard sauce in a doughnut bun, but a savoury hot cheesy sandwich. Preferably with chips (made out of potatos preferably - kumara fries? Don't get me started).

These cupcakes are cute...

Cute but WRONG!

Food, that pretends to be other food, should make you suspicious. 'What's it got to hide?' we should be asking. We should be metaphorically frisking it and checking its credentials. If it ends up being a cake, whilst dressed up as frittata, we should kick it out of the restaurant for a breach of trade descriptions.At the very most, I can categorise them as interesting novelties, but they are not burgers.

Anyhoo, in brief, I will NOT be trying this 'burger'. Pah!

Sweetness Incarnate

Artisan Restaurant & Bar

Bolton Hotel, Cnr Bolton & Mowbray St 

"Whittaker’s chocolate marquise with a poached EcoEgg meringue, mango purée and lime jelly on a doughnut bun, with shortbread shoestrings"

'Sweetness incarnate' will set you back $18, and will NOT. Repeat NOT actually be a burger. It's stuff like this that makes it hard for me to trust people.

Outrageous.

 

Burger Wellington – Narrowing the scope…

I love a good burger, but I don’t plan on traveling to Waikanae or even as far as the Hutt really, to get one. Unless someone has a particularly impressive sounding meat sammich off the beaten track (Possum burger in Levin?), I’ll be Wellington bound for the duration.This reduces my options a wee bit, so that's a start.

There are 109 participating restaurants in Burger Wellington, and it only runs for two weeks. If I didn’t reduce this list (as is the temptation if I'm honest), I would have to eat 109 burgers in 16 days. That’s 6.8 burgers per a day (plus sides!). Ignoring the logistics involved, that’s a whole lot of burger. None of my trousers would fit me afterwards, and I like some of my trousers. I love a burger too, as previously established, but I’m not going to come out of this competition wearing a smock, and sweating meat juice, so a refined list is the only real option.

Not all of the restaurants tempt me at initial glance. In fact, there are some fooderies in the list that I wouldn’t touch with the proverbial, so that will help whittle numbers down a bit.  Some of them are very nice places indeed though, and some burgers will be a guaranteed delight to behold, if last time is anything to go by (and behold them I shall, in my big fat greasy mitts!). To assist in my deliberations, and to help you as well, dear reader, I’ll be publishing details of some of the better looking propositions over the next few weeks to help whet mine, and ‘yourn’ appetites.

Here’s the first one that has peaked my interest. Mostly because I’ve still not eaten ostrich, and it’s my lifelong ambition to eat as many different sorts of animal as I can, without breaking conservation laws. 

An ostrich I didn't eat

Beach Babylon’s ‘Head in the Sand’

“Grilled ostrich patty with prosciutto, smoked provolone cheese, mizuna, and spicy cherry relish in a Turkish bap, with seasoned hand cut wedges and smoky mayonnaise”

‘Head in the Sand’ will be available lunch or dinner, and will set you back $21. Not that bad for a full meal really, and it’s a kewl place to visit.

oooh, ironic decor!

A little hip and happening possibly, but hey, I’m a tolerant type, and for a good enough burger, I can mingle with the trilby wearing hipsters 'totes' unfazed.

Some hipsters I tolerated once. Check that popped coller! Choice.

We visited Beach Babylon recently, and I had one of their regular burger offerings, the ‘Little Miss Piggy’. It’s no longer on their menu unfortunately, but it was a pork patty, with extra rashers of bacon, cheese and curly fries on the side. There was also some kind of relish and aoli probably, but to be honest, all I could taste was the pig :) It was a pretty special experience I must say. That’s going to be a hard act to follow, but they might just manage it with the ‘Head in the Sand’ Burger. 

Address: 232 Oriental Parade, Oriental Bay (View map )

www.beachbabylon.co.nz

If it's warm enough, nip down Oriental Parade afterwards for a refreshing gelato at Cafe Eis. Great gelato range, and if you tell them I sent you, they'll give you some of their special secret recipe sorbetto (this is a lie).

Remember, the competition is between the 10th and the 26th August, and you can vote by text to avoid offending your favourite wait person. Do vote though, good burgers deserve recognition. For too long have those swill mongers Maccas and Burger Ming sullied the humble burger's good name. Long live Burger Wellington and all it represents!

Burger Wellington 2012

Burger Wellington 2012 is almost upon us. Therefore, my first blog entries are going to be detailing this fine competition which pits some of Welly's top eateries against each other, in an awesome fight to the death, via meaty sandwiches. Many will involve cheese as well. If they want me to turn up at least they will... :)

http://www.wellingtononaplate.com/competitions/burger-wellington-2012/

Some of the entries last year sounded amazing, but we only got round to trying one of them. I feel however, that we chose very well. Check it out. The Duke Carvelle's honey-crumbed pork belly burger.

Lordy

This burger was described by Duke's as: "Honey-crumbed pork belly and smoked ham hock torchon, with red cabbage sauerkraut, gruyère and mustard mayonnaise on Pandoro Turkish bread"

It did not disappoint. Although I did have difficulty staying awake after consuming it. It's the sort of meal that's probably best eaten in bed, just in case you pass out immediately after finishing the last mouthful

The chips, were basically very large wedge type efforts, fried in some sort of premium quality oil. Possibly slightly bashed after being par boiled first, as they had a good amount of rough edges for nice cripsy bits to form on. No idea what potatos they were, but I'm pretty sure they were something special. All in all, yumtastic, and I very much look forward to seeing what Duke's comes up with this time around.

If it's this burger again, I will forgive them for the lack of creativity. Once you've reached perfection, what is one expected to do? Rinse and repeat? Why the fudge not... :)